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“I’d come over to apologize, and I’d ended up sleeping with Owen,” narrates the program’s promiscuous protagonist, high-school senior Jenna. Then, after hate-filled hater Sadie hates on Jenna and Tamara, the viewer is subjected to one of her tiresome hate-filled rants, this one directed at her boyfriend: “Are you seriously checking out those slut-buckets right in front of me? As ludicrous guidance counselor Valerie strides the halls promoting the “senior bonfire” (real safe activity for kids there), she is dressed like a lumberjack, even shaking a real axe at the students.As expected, offseason attrition has gradually impacted the Texas Longhorns throughout Tom Herman’s first seven months on the Forty Acres.It’s life in college football, especially following a coaching change. And most of all, why is Jenna surprised to discover that her date-rape of Owen was his “first time”? Is having sex with any total stranger okay, so long as one “has fun”?Its’s quite clear Tom Herman and Tim Beck are tasked with making due with a less than ideal quarterback room.Sophomore Shane Buechele is the only gunslinger on the roster with game experience and any form of injury would mean burning what’s expected to be a redshirt year for early enrollee Sam Ehlinger.

Enjoy your itchy, burning peen.” He says, “It must nice to be so much better than everyone else.” “Sometimes it gets tiresome, but mostly, it’s pretty (bleeped f***ing) great! Then, there’s yet more rapid-fire banter resembling nothing ever uttered by any middle-school student in the entire history of the universe, as Tamara spews a rant demanding the secret telephone book-hotness code (don’t ask) from a pair of apparently gay students: Tamara:“Youguysknowwherethebodiesareburiedandcorpsesrevivedinthisinstitutionforlowerlearningso Iknowyouknowwherethatphonebookishiddensotakeustothe holygrailofdouchedom STAT! You’re a repressive.” Student #2: “Why do we get such a bad rap for groper when straight guys are WAAYY more pervy!I have woken up early to get to class, I’ve been snowed-in and unable to make the 25-minute trip to class, and I’ve sat in rush hour traffic for over an hour more times than I’d like to admit. And each time I just take a deep breath, smile, and start the stump speech I’ve delivered so many times it’s become second nature.In spite of many people’s misconceptions, being a commuter hasn’t meant that I’ve missed out on the college experience. I’ve just had to work that much harder at it than students who live on campus.Of course, it isn’t always ideal on the surface, especially when attrition leaves depth concerns in its wake, but on the other hand, bearing in mind the 2018 recruiting haul Herman’s staff is putting together, it can prove beneficial down the road.That said, following seven offseason departures to date, here’s a look at the Longhorns current scholarship chart as we inch nearer towards the 2017 season.

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